Good jokes thread :)

[Kide83]

OK let's have some fun here also - I've just opened few threads, all biz related, and I don't want all of you to think that I'm some all-time-being-serious-freak

So let's hear some good stuff

[TopBucksTonya]

I dont have any good jokes..but I do have this list of fucked up laws still on the books in the state where I live:

Arizona
• A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
• Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony (This goes back in the days of the Wild West).
• Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
• Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
• Due to a typographical error in the Tempe, Ariz., code, a shooting range can be run by the "Amateur Crapshooting Association."
• Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse.
• Hayden: If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.
• Hunting camels is prohibited.
• In 1985, an Arizona legislator proposed that each candidate for the legislature take a reading and an I.Q. test three months before the election. The scores would have been posted on the ballot, had the bill passed. But a majority of legislators, for whatever reason, voted it down.
• In Arizona it is illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.
• It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.
• It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.
• It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
• Maricopa County: No more than six girls may live in any house.
• Mesa: It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
• Mohave County: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
• Nogales: An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
• Oral sex is considered to be sodomy.
• Prescott: No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.
• There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
• Tucson: Women may not wear pants.
• When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.
• When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.
• You may not have more than two dildos in a house.


Some of these are really fucked up if you ask me...like the very first one for instance... Enjoy!

[nojro]

My great friend sent me this and it titled:
20 thing guys learn from action movies
1. No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands.
2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room.
3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type that want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old.
4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me.
5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supersede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day.
6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.
7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.
8. Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is a homosexual. Or at least a sissy.
9. If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends.
10. My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me.
11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a 'flesh wound,' which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.
12. If I'm white I will be friend at least one black guy, or one white guy if I'm black. If I am Latino the monster/villain will kill me halfway through the film, urging the hero to even greater levels of violence.
13. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.
14. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.
15. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.
16. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me.
17. If I am given a surprise attack, I will be attacked by only one or maybe two people at a time, and I will find that I am well-skilled in Karate and Jujitsu, and if all else fails, I will always have one last firearm hidden somewhere on my body.
18. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Rick,' or 'Steve.'
19. Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, "When's the last time you got any sleep?" They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those things either.
20. While chasing or fleeing from an enemy, I can drive anything with a motor recklessly at100-130 miles per hour without a seat belt, with ammunition filling the passenger seat, and nothing will fall out of place. Also, no police will ever catch me; they'll just look in amazement in my direction.

[nojro]

Originally Posted by Kide83 - AdultBizForum

and I don't want all of you to think that I'm some all-time-being-serious-freak

You are not ?!?! Man i misjudged you... :P

[zivko82]

Originally Posted by TopBucksTonya

• You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

Do u have one or two? a :smt061 tell me plz :smt026

[sniperwolf]

Originally Posted by TopBucksTonya

• You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

Arrghh.. what's wrong with having 3 or more...

[Kide83]

Yeah, I know place where 1 babe have hundreds of them - SEX SHOP

[Kide83]

Originally Posted by nojro

You are not ?!?! Man i misjudged you... :P

lol

[TopBucksTonya]

Originally Posted by ZIVP82

Do u have one or two? a :smt061 tell me plz :smt026

Awe man....you caught me, I do have more than 1. Please don't tell on me! LOL

[zivko82]

Originally Posted by TopBucksTonya

Awe man....you caught me, I do have more than 1. Please don't tell on me! LOL

[TopBucksTonya]

:smt005 :smt007 Its ok, dont be shy!

[Kide83]

Bump with 2 Jokes

A Girl gets two tattoos on her inner thighs: one of Mike Tyson on her right inner thigh and the other is of Evander Holifield on her left inner thigh. She points to them and asks the bartender “Does this look like Mike Tyson?” Bartender says “No.”
She then asks “Does this look like Evander Holifield?”
Bartender says “Nope sorry.”
She’s says “Well I want another opinion.” She sees a drunk guy at the end of the bar. She points to her inner right thigh and asks him “Does this tattoo look like Mike Tyson?”
Drunk guy says “No.”
She points to her inner left thigh and asks “Well does this tattoo look like Evander Holifield?”
Drunk guy says “No but the one in the middle looks like Don King.

When You're Drunk

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
6. You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group.
7. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case Coincidence?!?!?
8. Two hands and just one mouth now THAT'S a drinking problem.
9. Every woman you see has an exact twin.
10. You fall off the floor
11. Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
12. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
13. Every night you're beginning to find your neighbours cat more and more attractive
14. I'm not drunk you're just sober!!
15. Roseanne looks good
16. You don't recognise your wife unless seen from the bottom of a glass.
17. That dammned pink elephant followed me home again.
18. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
19. You've fallen and can't get up.
20. The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.